Caregiver Burnout

I’m feeling overwhelmed and guilty, what should I do? How often do those thoughts pop up in the course of a caregiver’s day or week? People today are feeling tremendous pressure to “do it all,” taking care of children and aging parents while maintaining career and home. Instead of having a sense of accomplishment, many people feel guilt when they run out of energy to handle all of the tasks. “Being a member of the ‘sandwich generation’ is like being a slice of bologna, expected to give taste and meaning to two slices of bread … your children on one side, and your parents on the other side.”

The great myth of our time is that we should be able to “do it all,” like previous generations seem to have done. The truth is that some of our parents and
grandparents did care for their parents at home, however, the reality is that there was a close extended family available to pitch in and share the care.
Pablo Casals, the world renowned cellist said, “The capacity to care is the thing that gives life its deepest significance and meaning.” Learning your potential for caregiver burnout and developing a plan of action will help you avoid the frustration, depression, and despair that comes with losing that capacity to care.

Causes of Caregiver Burnout
One of the most common causes of caregiver burnout is the changing of roles that happens between adult children and their aging parents. The dynamics that keep a family together suddenly change, and the line that separates parental and child roles becomes blurred. Another cause of caregiver burnout is the expectations the caregiver has for the outcome of the caregiving. Often the rewards are intangible and far off, and the lack of control he or she feels over the situation is compounded by other factors such as lack of finances, little or no family support, or poor management and planning skills. When the caregiver places unrealistic goals on the outcome, there is no solid sense of direction. Feelings of isolation become more prevalent as the caregiver sees himself or herself spiraling downward into a pool f frustration and despair.

Preventing Caregiver Burnout
You can prevent caregiver burnout by taking the following actions.
■ Know yourself and take a reality check of your situation. Recognize your potential for caregiver burnout. If you can recall an instance of attitude change because of stress, then you’re a candidate for burnout.
■ Know how to be a caregiver. The more you know about the illness of the person you’re caring for and strategies for caregiving, the more effective you will be.
■ Develop new tools for coping. Remember to lighten up and accentuate the positive. Stay healthy by eating right, and getting plenty of exercise and sleep. Take an occasional break from caregiving and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Take advantage of support groups made up of other care-givers who have experienced what you are going through. Their knowledge and experience can provide invaluable support.
■ Plan your days by assigning priorities. Don’t forget to take some time to reward yourself. Have hope and live in the moment. Remember the saying, “by the yard it’s hard, but by the inch it’s a cinch.” Resources that you can use to assist you in your search for assistance are your local Area Agency on Aging.

Care for the Caregiver

Those people who have accepted the role of caregiver spend anywhere from 6 to 13 hours a week or more, taking care of a loved one. Each and every caregiving role is different—no two care recipients require the same care. There may be similarities in physical, mental, and emotional needs, but each person is unique. One thing that caregivers have agreed upon is that there is gratification in meeting the needs of a vulnerable loved one. There is also the “piece-of-mind” in knowing that by being a caregiver you are doing all that you can for the person, perhaps even being able to capture the closeness and tenderness that may not have been there when you needed it earlier in life.

Although it may sound simple and very rewarding, caregiving can definitely put a strain on you and your family. In order to continue caring for yourself, keep your piece-of-mind, the positives highlighted, and take care of yourself. Some ideas to help a caregiver keep the situation in perspective are:

■ Think carefully before taking action. Never react to negative attitudes with physical force.
■ Take a walk to cool down.
■ Take a hot bubble bath to help soothe tensions.
■ Listen to soft, familiar music to relax.
■ Exercise or do some form of physical activity.
■ Meditate to control emotions by deliberately slowing down movements, controlling breathing, and thinking of beautiful things.
■ Ask for hugs and kisses.
■ Talk to someone who can be objective and help you put the situation into perspective.
■ Participate in a support group or some other activity outside of the home.
■ Involve other family members, if possible, in the caregiving role. Delegate some of the responsibilities. As a concerned friend or family member of the caregiver, some things you might offer to do to help ease the stress and strain are:
■ Ask how the caregiver is doing? How are they coping? Be sincere in your efforts and be willing to listen to their response.
■ Be understanding and compassionate. Don’t try to give advice or fix their lives. You are a friend.
■ Get to know them better. Share their feelings. Be genuine.
■ Give the caregiver opportunities for leisure time. Stay and watch the care recipient while others go to dinner or a movie.
■ Help the caregiver get away from their everyday responsibilities.
■ Provide opportunities for play. Call up the caregiver and invite them to go for a walk.
■ Help keep humor in the lives of the caregiver and receiver. Many caregivers find themselves longing for companionship with others who are going through the same situation. Support groups can be very beneficial to many people. It is a way to receive emotional and social support from others. It is also a way to improve general wellness and personal strength.

Relieve personal stress and strain by seeking help from family, friends, or a support group. This will benefit both the caregiver and the older dependent family member in the future. Asking for support or help doesn’t imply weakness. Sometimes a gentle reminder is needed so others remember that the caregiver is only human and needs a break. Trying to juggle caregiving, work, and family is a large amount of responsibility. Allow others to help.
If you have a friend or family member who is currently in the role of caregiving, take this opportunity to give them a break from the stress and strains often found when providing care.

How to Maximize Your Time Use by Determining Your Priorities

What you may consider a priority might not be to another person. Conversely, other people's priorities might not be a priority to you. It doesn't mean though that you can't have similar priorities. What are the most common priorities of the majority of people? Here is a list of the most chosen priorities most people pursue, with a suggestion or two on how to actively materialize them. Yours might not be in the list but the idea remains the same - to pursue them in the most convenient way in order to maximize time use. Oh, a word of caution: too many priorities are not all priorities. So define which ones are and focus only on them, not on all of them. Most people value family as their first priority. If the president's family is called the first family; for most, the family is first. Spending (rather investing) time with your family will strengthen bondage between members. But quantity time is not as important as quality time. Well, if you can inject quantity to quality, so much the better. To be in front of a television set may or may not be quality time. Quality is lost if concentration of each member is glued on the feature in the television set. Some discussion or reaction between family members regarding the feature could lend some quality on time. An intellectual board game may be better. A day trip as a family gets together on a weekend once or twice a month is ideal. Thoughtfulness shown by sending cards or flowers during occasions (better yet when there are no occasions) lifts the relationship between spouses. Health is wealth, as we all know. Your wealth is useless if you have poor health. It is more difficult (although not impossible) to get good health without wealth (even a modest one), so the two are somewhat intertwined. Just follow good eating habits, exercise regularly, and take things in moderation. Not only do you get good health if you exercise with your family (say biking or swimming together with your kids), you develop good family relationship too. Who knows, your kid might be a future professional athlete. Hidden talents are usually discovered by accident. A lot of people consider gathering wealth as part of their priority list, but not to the extent of sacrificing family relationship. While you keep an eye on creating wealth, keep the other eye on your family relationships. Herds of stories about broken families are due to money matters; don't be a part of it. To create wealth, foremost is to live within your means. No matter how small savings are, it is never too small. Savings go to investing. Investing leads to security, financially speaking. We're not talking about hasty investing, but intelligent, calculated investing. Remember that wealth does not come instantly (except the lotto or anything similar). It takes a life long goal to be financially secured. If you'll check the historical background of known wealthy people, most of them got wealthy gradually and slowly. It's like building an edifice; it doesn't rise overnight. It is also common knowledge that hard-earned money stays. Wealth that comes easy, goes easy. Going back to investing, you can invest your hard-earned savings into bonds or trust funds that yield higher interest. Shop and ask around. There are financial planners that can help you get started and going. Just be prudent, alert, and open-minded. If your priority is in career building, specialization is a key factor. To excel in your chosen career means to gather as much knowledge as possible to sustain growth. This ultimately makes you an expert or specialist. To remain as one, you must always be updated of the latest trends and developments. Your world may be narrow, but well-defined. You may need to attend conferences and seminars of your chosen field of expertise. You may also need to read current publications to stay in touch with what's going on out there, even to the point that you have to go back to school for post graduate studies. For some, intellectual growth amazes and interests them. Somehow, this kind of priority can be transferred to future generations. It's like wealth that does not get lost no matter what. One good source of growing intellectually is by traveling. Getting to know cultures you're not familiar with is made familiar by going to where the action is and experiencing it first hand. Read books, especially those related to historical backgrounds so you'll know how things evolve in time. Many people also prioritize spiritual growth. To start with, let your emotions be filled with your belief that a Higher Being is responsible for your existence on earth. Give praise, embrace, and acknowledge that you exist to be of service, not to yourself but to Him by means of helping those in need. Whatever your priorities are, you can have them as long as you focus your time on them.