The Arsenal of Verbal Persuasion (Proven Verbal Magic to Charm, Wile and Beguile)The Arsenal of Verbal Persuasion (Proven Verbal Magic to Charm, Wile and Beguile)

The Verbal Toolbox of Persuasive Tactics

The proper mental disposition as well as the techniques for rapport composed the first golden keys for persuasion. To complete the persuasive arsenal requires knowing how to make the "sales pitch", so to

speak. These verbal techniques forge the last golden key to persuasion. The sales pitch is what you say to sway others to your idea. They consist of properly formulated phrases and sentences. Following powerful patterns geared to elicit belief, these formulas take off where rapport ends: it makes clear in the mind of your listeners what you want them to believe or to do.

In this book, many techniques await your deployment. The first deal with powerful phrases that in themselves, can be used to generate belief - sometimes irrational. The last discussed technique employs whole conversational tactics; paragraphs of carefully sequenced statements with the objective to firmly implant an idea. Each technique will be followed by a brief theory; some will have example applications.

The successful application of a technique depends on the situation. Some work better than others for a given scenario; your discretion for its deployment dictates its success or failure.

Time Distortion

Sometimes the best way to influence is to act as though what you want had already happened. This method, the simplest of all the persuasive techniques, consists of three steps.

· Presuppose that what you want has already been agreed upon, and that the outcome is good. Word your pitch using the past tense.

· Presuppose that your prospect has accepted the proposal.

· Presuppose that your prospect enjoyed the proposal.

An example can elaborate this technique. Assume that you want to ask someone out. To word your elevator speech using the three steps might go along the following lines:

"Won't it be great after we've had dinner at the Ritz? The dining would be superb, with the glimmer of candles, sparkling wine and soothing music. After dinner, you'd smile to yourself and think that this must be the highlight of your week. See! You're already thinking about how much fun we'll have. The more you try to think of reasons why you can't accept my offer, the more you realize how much you'd love to come."

This method energizes a powerful picture in your prospect's mind. Putting it in the past tense and in such glowing images make it hard to resist. By further presupposing that your prospect already accepted and enjoyed the idea makes the persuasive technique unbeatable. An ideal situation to apply this would be in business proposals. Businessmen enjoy dynamic, moving images painted in their minds.

The Principle of Reciprocity

Being human, we feel the need to repay favors given to us. It's our nature. A favor can trigger a feeling of indebtedness, and in effect, we develop a great need to relieve ourselves of the psychological burden of debt. To unload this burden, we become more than willing to return a favor almost larger than the one given us. The Principle of Reciprocity states that if someone grants us favors, invited or uninvited, an overpowering need to repay that favor immediately blooms within the recipient of that favor. This human trait transcends all cultures and races.

Consider the following example: A child you don't know walks up and hands you a flower. It would be considered impolite to reject such a thoughtful action, so you take it. Shortly after, the child asks if you would like to buy a cookie for her Girl Scout class. Because you just received a "favor" from the child, saying no to her request would have been tough because it would go against natural cultural forces favoring reciprocation arrangements. You buy a boxful of cookies.

Notice how when someone smiles, you smile in return, or when someone compliments a personal characteristic, you return in kind? This is the power of reciprocation. A favor granted must be repaid.

How often have we received small gifts through the mail: small keys, greeting cards, personalized address labels.... usually attached with a note requesting for funds to a popular charity? Big organizations have discovered that by giving a small favor or gift, the recipient of the gift develops a more pressing need to repay the favor. Repaying the favor entails complying with the request. The rule of the principle is simple:

Give a favor, expect a return-favor.

Business meetings tend to produce more favorable results if the project proponent treats the client to lunch. The lunch is a favor extended, and what is implicitly requested in return is a favorable contract.

To use this Principle, one simply extends a small favor or gives a small gift prior a negotiation. Gifts are usually accepted since cultural norms dictate that recipients accept out of courtesy. Once accepted, the

psychological need to repay the debt germinates. This raises the chances of later gaining what will be asked. The ethical overtones of using this principle, must be taken into proper perspective, however.

Favors can constitute anything given "out of good will":

·         Little material trinkets.

·         Compliments

·         Food

·         Promises

·         Smiles

·         Drinks

·         Physical labor

·         Concessions

Door-In-The-Face Method

Another way to use the Principle of Reciprocity is by deploying the Door-In-The-Face technique. More devastating than the straightforward approach of giving a gift and receiving a return favor, this technique takes a subtle approach. Supposing you want to make a request "B." One way to increase your chances of receiving compliance to that request "B" is to first make a much larger request "A." Request "A" is similar to request "B", except that because of its magnitude, compliance to it is almost impossible. This much larger request is expected to be rejected. After the rejection, you immediately retreat to your originally planned request "B". Statistically, the request "B" has an almost 95% chance of receiving compliance because of this linguistic framework.

This so effective because social norms dictate that a concession must be exchanged with a concession. By allowing your request "A" to be rejected, you gave a concession. Therefore the person you persuade

must respond with a concession.... that of complying with your allegedly smaller request "B"! Why does it work so well? Cultural norms tend to override even logic and inner resistance.

The Door-In-The-Face Method takes two steps:

First Step: Make a large request (this elicits a No!)

Second Step: Make the real, and smaller request: (this gets the Yes!)

Labor negotiators frequently deploy this tool. They begin with extreme demands expected to be turned down. Abruptly, they repeat to a series of smaller demands, or concessions which will then be more easily accepted. These smaller demands are the real target of the labor group. The larger requests were merely decoys meant to provide smokescreens. Children use this technique very well. Sometimes, a child may desire a small item like a cassette. To increase his chance of getting it, he makes huge requests, like a CD player or arcade game. The parents expectedly turn it down. What does the child do then? He retreats to his real request and says that if he can't get a CD, can he get a cassette tape instead? The response to such a comparatively trifling request is evident.

The Principle of Commitment and Consistency

We all fool ourselves from time to time to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done and decided. When we publicly take a stand on something, our subsequent actions must be in harmony with what we have previously made manifest. This quirk in human behavior is described by the Commitment and Consistency Principle. We commit to something that we willingly make known and then, we remain consistent in behavior to it. Inconsistent behavior produces psychological tension that must be avoided at all costs. The Foot in the Door technique applies this principle.

The Foot-In-The-Door Technique

To use this technique, you must first decide on an outcome you want (this is your major request). Upon deciding your outcome, you create a series of small, related requests that are easy to say yes to. After stating these two or three requests, you pop the big question. Because of the first "yes's" that were easily solicited, your prospect is mentally conditioned to say yes to the primary and real request. The small requests are created to elicit "commitment" to a certain related idea or request to be given in the end.

This technique works by conditioning the mind to be consistent with the previous stance of saying yes repeatedly. It's that simple. The series of small requests create commitments to a certain action. The final request requires an action of similar nature, and thus, to be consistent, compliance with the final request is necessary. First get someone to commit (say yes!) to a series of thoughts, ideas or actions. Your prospect will then automatically comply with any final thought, idea or action that is related, just to be consistent. The technique is simple:

1st Step: Make a very small request (Get an easy yes response and first commitment!)

2nd Step: Make another very small request (Get another easy yes response and the second commitment!)

3rd Step: Make your real request, a bigger one. (Get a yes response!)

The important step is to ensure that all the requests are related in nature. If the last request is environmentally themed, so should the previous two requests. This allows the Principle to be mustered effectively. Sometimes, prior to making the request, it is good to give an "enticing motivator" to set the stage. Car salesmen have been guilty of using this technique to sell cars. What they do is to advertise a car at a magnificently low price (the "enticing motivator") A buyer comes, drawn by the price. The salesmen and the buyer start discussing terms of payment, signing documents and filling forms. These acts of discussion and writing constitute the various "small commitments" leading to the act of closing the deal (the major request of the salesman). By discussing and writing for at least an hour before the end of the sale, the buyer is subconsciously committing to consummate the transaction. Before the consummation, the salesman disappears and comes back with news that there was an error in calculation. He reveals that the car had a price tag a few hundred dollars more. Despite the sudden price increase, and because of the various little commitments made, the buyer has no choice but to push forward with the deal.

Pacing and Leading Method of Persuasion (The Rhythm To Success)

The method of Pacing and Leading derives its power from the Principle of Consistency. Similar to the Foot-In-The-Door Technique, it follows a rhythmical pattern of pace and lead statements designed to create almost irrational beliefs in a proposed idea. Like the previous technique, the theory involves eliciting enough 'yes' during the course of the conversation so your prospect will automatically agree when you make the primary request/s.

Verbal pacing and leading sets up an unconscious yes-set which contribute to its effectiveness. By making a series of statements or questions that elicit a yes, you condition your prospect's mind to continue saying yes even up to the point of your real request or idea. It works even if the request is hard, or the idea is abhorrent.

The Pace-Lead Method associates things that are obviously and irrefutably true with what you'd like people to believe as true. When you use this technique you first create Pace Statements. These statements are statements or questions that can immediately be proven as true or are commonly accepted as true. You also create Lead Statements. Leads are statements or requests that you want your prospect to comply with.

Lead statements talk about things you want your prospect to believe in and that hasn't been commonly accepted as true. Once you arrive at the appropriate pace and lead statements, you link the pace statements to the lead statements in the following manner to generate belief and compliance:

Pace, Pace, Pace, Lead

Pace, Pace, Lead, Lead

Pace, Lead, Lead, Lead

Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead

By mixing the Pace statements with the Lead statements in this manner, you blur the distinction between what is obviously true and what is not really so true. This framework makes everything appear patently true. These are examples of Pace Statements:

Being healthy lets you enjoy life.

Safeguard your health with proper care of your body and you can live happy.

Food usually contains health robbing toxins.

Poisons harm us and lower resistance.

Lower resistance reduces health.

Note that these pace statements all need no verification. Common sense dictates these to be true.

Lead statements are different. They are not obviously true, and require hard evidence to prove its veracity. These are examples of leads. Leads are your requests.

Our product will ensure your health

By introducing a dietary supplement containing our patented formulation, you safeguard your resistance against disease. It really works!

These lead statements can be made more convincing if placed in the previously illustrated framework of pacing and leading. Using the formula, here is how it would come out:

(P)Your health allows you to enjoy your life.(P) Safeguard your health with proper care of your body and you can live happily! (P)Unfortunately, we know that our food usually contains toxins that rob us of health. (L)By introducing a dietary supplement containing our patented formulation, you safeguard your resistance against toxins. (P)Poisons harm us, and make us sick, right? (P)This lower resistance reduces our health. (L)Our product can ensure your health. (L)It really works!

Notice that in the pace-lead framework, belief in lead statement becomes easier because of its placement. Each time we hear a pace statements, we silently say, "yes" to ourselves. By the time we come to the leads, it's easier to say yes without noticing that the leads are no longer undeniably true.

Remember that you should not sound stilted or artificial. When speaking in this manner, make the conversation as spontaneous as can be. Ask for short responses from your prospect for your pace statements. Select pace statements that he or she is almost guaranteed to believe in.

Here's a final example. This time the pace statements utilize facts that are observable sensually (visual, auditory, kinesthetic). Hence they create a powerful influencing effect. (P)As you sit and (P)listen to me, you start to (P)wonder. (P)You think....

You (L)realize that what I say is very important and could be applied in real life. (P)And as you think about it some more, as (P)you lean forward and listen, (L)you realize that the knowledge of this lecture will definitely enrich your personal relationships and (L)make you a more competent person.

The Principle of Attribution (Giving Explanations to Invoke Sustained Behavior)

People frequently do something because they believe in a certain truth about themselves. An internal attribution about who they are causes certain types of behavior. If someone makes an internal attribution ("I will sign this petition because I am this kind of person") then he will most likely perform a future, related action because, "I am still that kind of person." A person who believes himself to be neat will pick up trash today, tomorrow and next month.

Additionally, he will do all kinds of orderly things. He does this to be consistent with the internal attribution he creates for himself. The Principle of Attribution allows us to modify people's behavior by

merely giving an attribution. If you want someone to do something, not just now, but always, proclaim to him a certain "perceived" attribution. He will come to see himself as that type of person and behave accordingly. To create an attribution, apply it in a situation where people are thinking about why things are happening. Second, give an explanation that is an internal attribution for the desired behavior. State that things are happening because "that person is like that." The Explanation you give is the attribution that will enforce the desired behavior from that moment on.

For instance, a teacher hopes to increase the grades of her students. After a successful quiz, she makes an attribution, saying, "My! These quizzes have been well answered! I wonder... I think you've all been

studying very hard and you've gotten brighter!" With this simple sentence, the teacher attributes the quiz scores to initiative and studying hard. The students realize this might be so, and regardless of whether they studied before or not, they do start studying to be consistent with the attribution. They think, "I got a good grade coz I study hard. Therefore, I must study hard for the next quiz."

A boss can also elicit greater productivity from his workers. He might say to an employee, "Mark, you've been at this desk for hours and I can see results. You must be a hardworking person with your sights on your goal! Keep up the good work." The boss attributes the good business results to hard work and prioritizing. Mark will subconsciously make the internal attribution that he is indeed hardworking and act consistently with this belief. A simple declaration yields a field of surprises.

The Charmer Method

This last technique, unlike the previous methods, does not rely on sleight of tongue or verbal acrobatics. It works because you openly offer concessions, manifest a willingness to listen, and validate your prospect's beliefs. Your prospect has a free choice to decide. You do not cloud his mind with verbal mists. Of all the techniques discussed, it is the most ethical. Additionally, it takes the longest to carry out, but it can produce lasting relationships. Like the previous systems, this method is also devastatingly effective. Mastery of this method can lead to satisfying friendships as well as giving you what you want.

The Charmer can be applied in four steps.

Step 1. Create the Initial Benefit Statement (The Initial Benefit Statement, or IBS consists of two parts).

First, you state an Opener which consists of a current need, problem or desire that your prospect would like to satisfy. Second, you close with a Benefit Statement that includes specific idea or solution (your request) that answers that need. Stating the IBS is done using the pace-lead rhythm previously discussed in order to maximize its effectiveness.

The IBS acts to whet the appetite of your prospect to listen and pay heed. When you formulate your IBS, you can use the following examples:

Openers:

"It is my understanding that you...."

"We've found that most people are looking for..."

"I hear you have a problem in the area of..."

"What most people want..."

"What if I could show you a way..."

"It's hard to be unproductive because...."

Benefit Statement:

"This is why many normally do this...."

"X works specially well in this scenario..."

"In such situations, x is the best possible solution..."

"In other words, what you're looking for is...."

When making the initial benefit statement, be certain to point out that your idea does solve his problem. If you can accomplish this, you have enticed your prospect. This would be a sample IBS using the Pace-Lead Rhythm.

"Mr. Richards, times have been bad and money doesn't flow so well anymore, specially for small firms such as yours. We know that your operations are no longer very efficient and it cuts back on your profits. We can provide you with the necessary computerized networking solution that can cut wastes 90% and boost profits 70%. How does that sound to you?

The IBS certainly grabbed his attention, didn't it? He saw that he had something to gain.

Step 2. Ask questions to elicit information on his needs which you seek to address.

No matter how well worded your IBS, your prospect holds many pressing needs begging to be filled. By careful questioning, you can get people to reveal their hidden needs and reconsider their position in light of what you have to offer. It is important that you choose your questions well. Raise questions that

will lead to revealing hidden needs which your idea, proposal or product can directly address. Raise questions that will direct you to proclaiming more of the benefits of your idea.

Step 3. Agree Agree Agree.

Whenever the other person responds in such a way that offers you an opening to reinforce your proposal's benefits, agree with his remarks, and develop his thought with the benefits that logically flows from his statement. Ensure that your benefits include feeling benefits, such as feelings of security, comfort, pride...etc. Benefits such as these persuade very strongly.

To illustrate Step 2 and Step 3, assume that you are selling brand new computers, so you ask a question that will lead to a specific benefit you offer.

You: "So Mr. Richards, I can see that you distrust computerization. Why is this the case?"

Richards: "I've tried it before and it was a nightmare. Something always broke down! Whenever we called technical support, they placed us on hold. We ended up with a white elephant."

You: "I agree with you. Computers do break down and most companies fail to respond to their customers. It's a big problem in the industry. We can guarantee you against this problem because we have over 350 technical staff on our roster working night and day. You'll never have a problem again.

The agreement with your prospect's statements clarify in his mind that you are considering his concerns very carefully. This heightens his receptivity to your proposals. Each time you agree with his concerns, and raise a benefit to absorb his anxiety, you edge a step closer to successful persuasion.

Step 4 Ask for what you want.

Finally, when you sense a good deal of rapport and agreement to your proposal, make the request. Close the deal. A positive mind set helps. Make the assumption that the deal has been accepted prior to asking. Behave in a confident manner.

First, summarize the benefits you offered.

Second, state the confident request using the following formula:

"Based on what you've told me... I'm going to suggest that the best course of action for us is...." Or

"I can see you've reached your decision... I guess what we should do now is....."

Take heed of the italicized words. Emphasize that the decision flows logically from his facts. Emphasize also the us/we involvement. The prospect will feel more at ease knowing that both you and he embark on that decision together.

From there, you can cap it all up with this standard close:

“We guarantee that you'll love the results. It's so easy. It's really works, its your best option not just now, but in the future.”

Seduction (The Principles of Romance)

For many of us, the world is filled with strangers. Romance is an elusive dream that flits away the harder we try. A loveless destiny. Condemned to such a fate, can one bear to live on?

Men are social beings. Food, water, and shelter are vital to survival. These alone cannot bring happiness, though -- not even owning a private yacht nor the entire Bank of England.

Men and women thrive on love. Each one has a deep psychological need to be cared for. Love is a potent force. Poets immortalized its power in ballade, song, parchment and story.

Love launched ships, caused the division of clans and brought ruin to nations. The power of love cannot be underestimated. Man breathes love as surely as he breathes oxygen. Love gives life.

To be loved is to be cared for in a special way that is uniquely different from the next person. Loving is caring and satisfying deep emotional needs. Show this care with special words and actions that fill these needs, and that special person you care for will start caring back. This is the principle of romance. Give and you receive.

Romance Theory holds three tenets, based soundly upon psychological principles.

Romance Theory -

· We like people who like us first. We tend to get attracted to someone who displays attraction to us. Also, we prefer that people like us first before we like them. The best way to get the ball rolling is to start manifesting attraction instead of hiding it.

· Romance begins with someone initiating contact; once someone has taken the initiative, there will exist a natural urge in the other person to respond positively. This principle declares that a relationship begins only with someone taking the first step. No--it doesn't have to be the man to do so. Women can initiate by engaging the man in lighthearted conversation.

· An upbeat personality allures. We love happy people. We bask in their presence. One can be more attractive by acting happy. The quickest way to add ten more points to your allure quotient is by smiling and radiating bliss. Negative opinions, and beak outlooks should be minimized at the start of a romantic escapade. Conversation should include positive and optimistic material. The first contact is not yet the time to discuss debts, a pending murder trial or a recent AIDS infection.

Winning the Love Game

The previous principles underlie the up-coming techniques that make falling in love and attracting others a painless and delightful game. It is a timeless game that reaps happiness for the victorious.

Flirting, attracting and mesmerizing -- this is the game of seduction. Those unskilled at this art behave boorishly, often repelling instead of attracting. Seduction, despite it's contaminated connotation, is pure. It is an innocent act whereby one identifies the secret needs of the other and satisfies these needs.

Flirtation is just the beginning phase of seduction. During this phase, the man or the woman makes obvious his or her attraction. Once successful, the true seduction occurs. Seduction occurs at an emotional, physical and spiritual level. That is why seduction ends with two people falling in love.

Romance theory must now give way to technique. Use these techniques and reap the bounty of romance.

The Techniques of Seduction.

Make the First Move. People can die waiting. It doesn't pay to hunker by the sidelines. Keep waiting, and not just life, but love will pass you by. Patience is a virtue, but it doesn't help to keep waiting till old age. The right man or woman may never approach you. They may also be waiting to be approached!

Remember that to get a reaction, you must act first. Seize the initiative and you will get a positive response. Romeo, Don Juan and James Bond never waited to be approached. They made the first move. Someone has to make the first move. It might as well be you.

Energize yourself with optimistic thoughts. Relax. Adrenalin tends to rush in these instances. Adrenalin is necessary to outrace rabid dogs, but it can mess up your chances of charming the object of your desire.

Notice how clammy your hands get, how your pulse quickens? Breathe deeply for 15 seconds as slowly as you can. This will lower your heart rate. Apply the 180 degree think method mentioned earlier in this book.When your systems normalize, make the approach.

Don't use any of the passé, corny pick-up lines. They are degrading. The best opening gambit would be:

"Hi! I can't help but notice you. My name is ___________. May I have the pleasure of your company?"

Believe it or not, this line works better than all the rest. Simple, and direct, it communicates sincerity. If you can, spice it with a dash of humor. To buttress your chances of getting even more noticed, following up with a compliment or a question can help. Observe her carefully and decide upon a not-so-obvious character trait or accessory that you can compliment on. Make your compliment sincere. False flattery alwaysfails.

Study the body language of your prospect. Should it be closed, mirror that closed posture, then slowly open up yours. Subconsciously, she will follow suit, and when she does, so will her frame of mind. It's a sly move used by specially trained individuals to promote receptivity.

The Happy Virus. Infect her with happiness. Make excitement and delight surge through you. Let your eyes sparkle. Smile. Grin broadly. Happiness is contagious. Be glad to be around that person. Let your intonation drip with mirth. Two happy people can discover miracles in each other. Happy people create relationships. When we choose a partner, we look for someone we foresee will make us happy. You have a greater chance wooing that girl with a grin, rather than a grimace.

Appear enthusiastic, as well as happy. Show that you have a passion for life. Manifest your zest. Discuss each thing as though it meant much to you. Make an effort to recognize that there are dark and bright sides to life, but you will be willing to dwell only about the lighter side of things. Be upbeat and win her heart!

Let her talk. You do the listening. Men talk too much. They brag about their achievements, their objectives, the many girls they slept with. Discussing these in detail, and at length will not only bore, it will repel even the most patient girl. Seduction is a form of yielding and giving. Give in to the other person. Satisfy her ego. Satisfy her needs to tell her own stories, to narrate her triumphs.

A great seduction technique is to encourage the object of your affection to keep talking. Formulate open-ended questions and listen in rapture to her responses. Lean forward as you listen. Gaze into her eyes with interest. Pretend that no one else is in the room -- not even if a dazzling blonde sits next to you. Never interrupt as you listen. Pause for two seconds at the end of her statements then gently prod with more open ended questions. Your respectful silence will let her feel more understood, more loved.

As you listen, overwhelm her with positive body language. Lean forward slightly, uncross your arms and legs. Nod frequently. Maintain non-aggressive eye contact. When she requests feedback, simply paraphrase her statements. Echo your understanding of what she said. Don't go off-topic. You will kill the developing rapport.

Be patient. Listen expectantly. Don't rush her. Accept what is being said without approval or criticism. The time for that will come later. At this early stage, you must show how well you listen! Listening works miracles because you satisfy deep psychological needs. Listening can be the most potent aphrodisiac.

Women (men, all the more) crave to share about themselves. Notice how we love to talk about our victories, our plans, about how great and marvelous we are. About sixty percent of conversational statements have the word "I" in it; this signifies just how important the ego is to each human being.

When women talk, they love to talk about themselves and seek validation and agreement from their listeners. By listening silently and attentively, you validate what is being said. Listen intently and you broadcast a hidden message: I love what I'm hearing; go on!!

Listen with all your heart. It is the highest praise. Without uttering a single word, the simple act of listening can win you intense admiration -- and her heart!

Emphasize similarity. Listening is important. When you listen with your entire being, you render the supreme worship. The act of listening demonstrates profound respect and sensitivity. Listening wins half the battle in the quest for romance.

However, listening alone is not enough. You must prove that both of you are alike. Remember one of the basic rules of psychology: we like those who are like ourselves. Assume that you've listened all night, paraphrased her statements and prodded with information seeking questions. Your date will marvel at how thoughtful you were. You've satisfied her ego and bolstered her self esteem. When she gets home, she'll bask in the afterglow of that wonderful conversation. She'll think that she's had a great time sharing about herself.

Then, she'll think about you. Try as she might, her recollection of you will be vague. Why? Because you haven't mentioned a word about yourself. She will just remember how well you've listened. Being a good listener won't encourage her to see you again. Once the memory of how well you've listened fades, she may move on, seeking men who possess wonderful qualities other than listening.

Listening is therefore just part of the formula to complete seduction. To attract her totally, you must convince her that you are worthy of her love. The best way to carry out this urgent mission is to show her that you are just like the person she loves most: herself! People love those who are like themselves. This wonderful principle of psychology can secure you romantic happiness. Convince her that you are just like her. An average Joe is Don Juan to his lady if she believes they share the same interests, outlooks, opinions and beliefs.

When your lady shares aspects of herself, listen! Then say, " Me too! I am just like that...." Find common experiences. Wherever you can, interject emphasize similarities in taste. Seek out obscure facts that identify you to her, then mention it. Paying attention to details that she reveal becomes critical at this point. Mentally tag down her hot buttons -- subjects she loves discussing and express your enthusiasm for them. Emphasizing similarities guarantee that the relationship will continue beyond this first encounter. This act cements friendship not only between members of the opposite sex, but between same sex acquaintances as well.

Stand your ground. Claim your independence. Make it clear that you have goals. You will strive for your aspiration, despite the outcome of your relationship. Independent men and women are very attractive.

Exhibit decisiveness. Move with purpose and vigor. Allow a little flexibility, but show that you will not compromise your inner principles. Principled men and women are sexy.

Exhibit that you are opinionated. Make it clear that you sit no fences. Should you disagree on a topic hang on to your point while making it clear that her views are as valid as yours.Disagree agreeably. Accept that many sides surround an argument. Listen to her points then thank her for presenting a side that enlightened and complimented your understanding!

Praise. Don't flatter. Do praise. Seek obscure aspects about your date that you may praise. It may be her manner of walking, her bag or that little tattoo on the shoulder. Praise should be moderated. Too much and you risk dampening its effects. Too little, and you might be perceived. as hard to please. Whet her appetite with just enough praise. Sprinkle it when she least expects it. Throw her off balance. Don't lavish her with praises for five minutes then be silent the remaining hour.

Praise must be sincere. Don't compliment a girl's long locks when she's obviously balding. Here's where honesty is the best policy. Don't criticize. This is the time to remain either positive or neutral. If she serves a terrible beef casserole and asks for your opinion, state something neutral or vague. A response might be, "It could almost be Carribean, had you added white sauce. But in its present condition, I'd say

it's Intercontinental Style." Let her interpret it as praise or criticism! Of course you could always be safe and say, "No Comment!"

In summary:

Life and love bring so much anxiety! To succeed in a job, at academics, in love or at whatever endeavor requires initiative. You can't harvest the farm till after you've sowed, watered and fertilized. In the garden of love, you take the first steps. You initiate contact. Rejection is still a possibility. That's the catch. But nothing in life is without risk. Taking the first step gives you 99% chance of success. Sitting and

waiting gives you a .05% probability of getting a lifetime partner. Work for your dreams and your fancies can bloom into reality.