The Five Most Important Words in the Human Vocabulary

In the human vocabulary there are five most important words.

These words represent an ever-present disposition that dictate the way we behave the way we do. The words are:

What's In It For Me?

A government employee spends hours sorting files to get his daily wage. A philanthropist donates huge sums to charity in order to get that "good-feeling." A missionary worker travels into jungles to achieve a

divine sense of fulfillment. A chief executive duels with tremendous pressure to acquire a fortune.

We do things because we have something to gain. Whatever this gain is, it is the reason we go through the trouble of stressful labor. The temptation of a reward spurs action. Understand now the prime importance of those five powerful words. If you can answer "What Is In It For Him." every time you enter a dialogue, you can win over anyone. To win a debate or argument or to gain concessions you must make the other person see that he has something to gain from doing as you ask. Speak of what you want in terms of what your prospect wants. Make him see that agreeing with you satisfies his self-interest. This principle can be restated in the Leverage

Formula:]

If B = N then P

Translated to English, the formula declares, "If the Benefits you offer (in exchange for his agreement to your idea or request) Equal his pressing Needs, then you can Persuade.

The Top Ten Human Needs –Satisfy Them to Gain Compliance

Human beings possess ten psychological needs. At specific times, some needs press more heavily than others. To persuade, first attempt to discern which general need preoccupies your prospect the most. Upon identifying the general need, discern the specific need spawned by the general need. When you discover the needs that press most strongly, word your request, proposal or idea in such a way that

agreement to your proposal will satisfy his needs. This is the second golden key of persuasion.

The general needs are:

Affection: a desire to belong

Excellence: the drive to win

Esteem: a passion to be admired

Security: a need for protection

Greed: a want for more than the right amount

Recognition: a need for personal worth

Power: a desire for supremacy

Privacy: an urge to protect personal space

Ego: a sense of pride

Liberty: a craving to control one's fate.

Feeding the Feeling of Importance

Of all the needs, one burns brightly almost all the time. Esteem. Should you fail to identify a specific need, work on the need for esteem. Feed your prospect's feeling of importance. You can get anyone to do virtually anything if it makes him feel important. Arrange matters such that someone can achieve that feeling only by acceding to a request you give.

The acronym PRiNCeS arms you with a toolbox to use whenever seeking to satisfy the Feeling of Importance. Feed this need for importance, and doors open to you.

Praise. Praise someone sincerely to boost his esteem. When requiring better work quality from a subordinate, announce that he works in a unique and efficient manner and say that you expect better output from his unique process. Stand back and watch him prove you right. Remember that praise works best only when complimenting a characteristic or trait that is not obvious. When praised, the target of your praise basks in the compliment and does everything in his power to live up to the praise, and to acquire more praise. Subconsciously, he fears doing something that will retract the praise. For you, the persuader, the implication is that your prospect will fulfill your requests or accede to your ideas simply to be worthy of the praise. If someone constantly criticizes your manner of dress, kill further criticism by praising his good style and taste. This paradoxical behavior has a 75% chance of killing any further reproach from him How can he criticize you for something you laude him for?

Reputation. Giving someone an alleged 'good' reputation to live up to is a powerful technique to gain concessions. A common example would involve a subordinate requesting for a raise. He may appeal to the boss's good nature by saying: "I've always known you to be a fair man and that you reward the diligence of your employees. Today, I would like to request for a salary increase because of the sudden bills that piled up." By declaring the boss to have a reputation of fairness, the subordinate boosted his chances of getting what he wanted. The boss would find it hard to turn down a just request when he realizes that he holds the distinction of being a rewarding and fair employer.

Need. We love to help when we feel needed. If we know that our personal actions contribute greatly to a cause or effort and are noticed by those we help, we are more than willing to give in to a request. When attempting persuasion, make your prospect feel that his help is very much desired; that his hand is vital to the success of our endeavors, that he contributes a great deal. Politicians understand this principle. During campaign runs, they visit each and every supporter and personally assure them that without their individual efforts - whether cutting posters, or organizing mass gatherings - the crusade would fail. This 'personal touch' increases the morale of even the lowliest supporter to give his all for a victorious election. Being needed is a wonderful thing.

Challenge. What's our reflex when someone doubts our ability to do something? Prove them otherwise! Throwing a Challenge is a manipulative tool whereby you politely voice doubt about someone's ability to accomplish a task. This doubt spurs zealous action to prove it false. To persuade a lagging supervisor to, say, whip his employees into shape, you might say: "I'm not sure you have the capacity to get those bums of yours to increase production, so I'm thinking of getting a consultant to do the job instead." Watch the recipient of this reverse psychology get right down to work! To prove his capabilities, your

unwitting supervisor will exhaust all resources on his own initiative.

Superiority. If you need someone's staunch support or competent help, acknowledge their superiority. For the moment, assume that you are running a production deadline. Your men are behind schedule and you badly require assistance from a think tank in another department. Inter-department rivalry normally hinders such cooperation so you attack the matter smartly. You approach an able and quick thinking candidate who may just solve the bottlenecks and say, "I've always admired your work; you're the best project manager this entire division has and no problem has ever stumped you. Right now, I need your expertise which I cannot get elsewhere. May I have a few hours of your time?" Play on someone's pride this way, and you're bound to reap bountiful concessions. When someone is acknowledged as superior, he'll go all the way to prove it.

As you read the previous paragraphs, and realize that man possesses certain innate psychological needs, you acquire mastery of the human driving force. Knowledge of how people think and act is important; more significant is knowing that people act to fulfill specific needs. This knowledge enables you to convince effectively. By knowing what others need and crave for, and by putting your position, or idea in a deftly worded request that compliments someone's needs, your chances for successful persuasion skyrockets. Remember this key always. Elicit the belief that your idea is to his or her benefit. Create this belief in his or her mind by feeding their feeling of importance: use praise, show that they are needed, acknowledge their superiority, give them a reputation to live up to, or give a challenge to prove their skills.

The Arsenal of Verbal Persuasion (Proven Verbal Magic to Charm, Wile and Beguile)The Arsenal of Verbal Persuasion (Proven Verbal Magic to Charm, Wile and Beguile)

The Verbal Toolbox of Persuasive Tactics

The proper mental disposition as well as the techniques for rapport composed the first golden keys for persuasion. To complete the persuasive arsenal requires knowing how to make the "sales pitch", so to

speak. These verbal techniques forge the last golden key to persuasion. The sales pitch is what you say to sway others to your idea. They consist of properly formulated phrases and sentences. Following powerful patterns geared to elicit belief, these formulas take off where rapport ends: it makes clear in the mind of your listeners what you want them to believe or to do.

In this book, many techniques await your deployment. The first deal with powerful phrases that in themselves, can be used to generate belief - sometimes irrational. The last discussed technique employs whole conversational tactics; paragraphs of carefully sequenced statements with the objective to firmly implant an idea. Each technique will be followed by a brief theory; some will have example applications.

The successful application of a technique depends on the situation. Some work better than others for a given scenario; your discretion for its deployment dictates its success or failure.

Time Distortion

Sometimes the best way to influence is to act as though what you want had already happened. This method, the simplest of all the persuasive techniques, consists of three steps.

· Presuppose that what you want has already been agreed upon, and that the outcome is good. Word your pitch using the past tense.

· Presuppose that your prospect has accepted the proposal.

· Presuppose that your prospect enjoyed the proposal.

An example can elaborate this technique. Assume that you want to ask someone out. To word your elevator speech using the three steps might go along the following lines:

"Won't it be great after we've had dinner at the Ritz? The dining would be superb, with the glimmer of candles, sparkling wine and soothing music. After dinner, you'd smile to yourself and think that this must be the highlight of your week. See! You're already thinking about how much fun we'll have. The more you try to think of reasons why you can't accept my offer, the more you realize how much you'd love to come."

This method energizes a powerful picture in your prospect's mind. Putting it in the past tense and in such glowing images make it hard to resist. By further presupposing that your prospect already accepted and enjoyed the idea makes the persuasive technique unbeatable. An ideal situation to apply this would be in business proposals. Businessmen enjoy dynamic, moving images painted in their minds.

The Principle of Reciprocity

Being human, we feel the need to repay favors given to us. It's our nature. A favor can trigger a feeling of indebtedness, and in effect, we develop a great need to relieve ourselves of the psychological burden of debt. To unload this burden, we become more than willing to return a favor almost larger than the one given us. The Principle of Reciprocity states that if someone grants us favors, invited or uninvited, an overpowering need to repay that favor immediately blooms within the recipient of that favor. This human trait transcends all cultures and races.

Consider the following example: A child you don't know walks up and hands you a flower. It would be considered impolite to reject such a thoughtful action, so you take it. Shortly after, the child asks if you would like to buy a cookie for her Girl Scout class. Because you just received a "favor" from the child, saying no to her request would have been tough because it would go against natural cultural forces favoring reciprocation arrangements. You buy a boxful of cookies.

Notice how when someone smiles, you smile in return, or when someone compliments a personal characteristic, you return in kind? This is the power of reciprocation. A favor granted must be repaid.

How often have we received small gifts through the mail: small keys, greeting cards, personalized address labels.... usually attached with a note requesting for funds to a popular charity? Big organizations have discovered that by giving a small favor or gift, the recipient of the gift develops a more pressing need to repay the favor. Repaying the favor entails complying with the request. The rule of the principle is simple:

Give a favor, expect a return-favor.

Business meetings tend to produce more favorable results if the project proponent treats the client to lunch. The lunch is a favor extended, and what is implicitly requested in return is a favorable contract.

To use this Principle, one simply extends a small favor or gives a small gift prior a negotiation. Gifts are usually accepted since cultural norms dictate that recipients accept out of courtesy. Once accepted, the

psychological need to repay the debt germinates. This raises the chances of later gaining what will be asked. The ethical overtones of using this principle, must be taken into proper perspective, however.

Favors can constitute anything given "out of good will":

·         Little material trinkets.

·         Compliments

·         Food

·         Promises

·         Smiles

·         Drinks

·         Physical labor

·         Concessions

Door-In-The-Face Method

Another way to use the Principle of Reciprocity is by deploying the Door-In-The-Face technique. More devastating than the straightforward approach of giving a gift and receiving a return favor, this technique takes a subtle approach. Supposing you want to make a request "B." One way to increase your chances of receiving compliance to that request "B" is to first make a much larger request "A." Request "A" is similar to request "B", except that because of its magnitude, compliance to it is almost impossible. This much larger request is expected to be rejected. After the rejection, you immediately retreat to your originally planned request "B". Statistically, the request "B" has an almost 95% chance of receiving compliance because of this linguistic framework.

This so effective because social norms dictate that a concession must be exchanged with a concession. By allowing your request "A" to be rejected, you gave a concession. Therefore the person you persuade

must respond with a concession.... that of complying with your allegedly smaller request "B"! Why does it work so well? Cultural norms tend to override even logic and inner resistance.

The Door-In-The-Face Method takes two steps:

First Step: Make a large request (this elicits a No!)

Second Step: Make the real, and smaller request: (this gets the Yes!)

Labor negotiators frequently deploy this tool. They begin with extreme demands expected to be turned down. Abruptly, they repeat to a series of smaller demands, or concessions which will then be more easily accepted. These smaller demands are the real target of the labor group. The larger requests were merely decoys meant to provide smokescreens. Children use this technique very well. Sometimes, a child may desire a small item like a cassette. To increase his chance of getting it, he makes huge requests, like a CD player or arcade game. The parents expectedly turn it down. What does the child do then? He retreats to his real request and says that if he can't get a CD, can he get a cassette tape instead? The response to such a comparatively trifling request is evident.

The Principle of Commitment and Consistency

We all fool ourselves from time to time to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we have already done and decided. When we publicly take a stand on something, our subsequent actions must be in harmony with what we have previously made manifest. This quirk in human behavior is described by the Commitment and Consistency Principle. We commit to something that we willingly make known and then, we remain consistent in behavior to it. Inconsistent behavior produces psychological tension that must be avoided at all costs. The Foot in the Door technique applies this principle.

The Foot-In-The-Door Technique

To use this technique, you must first decide on an outcome you want (this is your major request). Upon deciding your outcome, you create a series of small, related requests that are easy to say yes to. After stating these two or three requests, you pop the big question. Because of the first "yes's" that were easily solicited, your prospect is mentally conditioned to say yes to the primary and real request. The small requests are created to elicit "commitment" to a certain related idea or request to be given in the end.

This technique works by conditioning the mind to be consistent with the previous stance of saying yes repeatedly. It's that simple. The series of small requests create commitments to a certain action. The final request requires an action of similar nature, and thus, to be consistent, compliance with the final request is necessary. First get someone to commit (say yes!) to a series of thoughts, ideas or actions. Your prospect will then automatically comply with any final thought, idea or action that is related, just to be consistent. The technique is simple:

1st Step: Make a very small request (Get an easy yes response and first commitment!)

2nd Step: Make another very small request (Get another easy yes response and the second commitment!)

3rd Step: Make your real request, a bigger one. (Get a yes response!)

The important step is to ensure that all the requests are related in nature. If the last request is environmentally themed, so should the previous two requests. This allows the Principle to be mustered effectively. Sometimes, prior to making the request, it is good to give an "enticing motivator" to set the stage. Car salesmen have been guilty of using this technique to sell cars. What they do is to advertise a car at a magnificently low price (the "enticing motivator") A buyer comes, drawn by the price. The salesmen and the buyer start discussing terms of payment, signing documents and filling forms. These acts of discussion and writing constitute the various "small commitments" leading to the act of closing the deal (the major request of the salesman). By discussing and writing for at least an hour before the end of the sale, the buyer is subconsciously committing to consummate the transaction. Before the consummation, the salesman disappears and comes back with news that there was an error in calculation. He reveals that the car had a price tag a few hundred dollars more. Despite the sudden price increase, and because of the various little commitments made, the buyer has no choice but to push forward with the deal.

Pacing and Leading Method of Persuasion (The Rhythm To Success)

The method of Pacing and Leading derives its power from the Principle of Consistency. Similar to the Foot-In-The-Door Technique, it follows a rhythmical pattern of pace and lead statements designed to create almost irrational beliefs in a proposed idea. Like the previous technique, the theory involves eliciting enough 'yes' during the course of the conversation so your prospect will automatically agree when you make the primary request/s.

Verbal pacing and leading sets up an unconscious yes-set which contribute to its effectiveness. By making a series of statements or questions that elicit a yes, you condition your prospect's mind to continue saying yes even up to the point of your real request or idea. It works even if the request is hard, or the idea is abhorrent.

The Pace-Lead Method associates things that are obviously and irrefutably true with what you'd like people to believe as true. When you use this technique you first create Pace Statements. These statements are statements or questions that can immediately be proven as true or are commonly accepted as true. You also create Lead Statements. Leads are statements or requests that you want your prospect to comply with.

Lead statements talk about things you want your prospect to believe in and that hasn't been commonly accepted as true. Once you arrive at the appropriate pace and lead statements, you link the pace statements to the lead statements in the following manner to generate belief and compliance:

Pace, Pace, Pace, Lead

Pace, Pace, Lead, Lead

Pace, Lead, Lead, Lead

Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead

By mixing the Pace statements with the Lead statements in this manner, you blur the distinction between what is obviously true and what is not really so true. This framework makes everything appear patently true. These are examples of Pace Statements:

Being healthy lets you enjoy life.

Safeguard your health with proper care of your body and you can live happy.

Food usually contains health robbing toxins.

Poisons harm us and lower resistance.

Lower resistance reduces health.

Note that these pace statements all need no verification. Common sense dictates these to be true.

Lead statements are different. They are not obviously true, and require hard evidence to prove its veracity. These are examples of leads. Leads are your requests.

Our product will ensure your health

By introducing a dietary supplement containing our patented formulation, you safeguard your resistance against disease. It really works!

These lead statements can be made more convincing if placed in the previously illustrated framework of pacing and leading. Using the formula, here is how it would come out:

(P)Your health allows you to enjoy your life.(P) Safeguard your health with proper care of your body and you can live happily! (P)Unfortunately, we know that our food usually contains toxins that rob us of health. (L)By introducing a dietary supplement containing our patented formulation, you safeguard your resistance against toxins. (P)Poisons harm us, and make us sick, right? (P)This lower resistance reduces our health. (L)Our product can ensure your health. (L)It really works!

Notice that in the pace-lead framework, belief in lead statement becomes easier because of its placement. Each time we hear a pace statements, we silently say, "yes" to ourselves. By the time we come to the leads, it's easier to say yes without noticing that the leads are no longer undeniably true.

Remember that you should not sound stilted or artificial. When speaking in this manner, make the conversation as spontaneous as can be. Ask for short responses from your prospect for your pace statements. Select pace statements that he or she is almost guaranteed to believe in.

Here's a final example. This time the pace statements utilize facts that are observable sensually (visual, auditory, kinesthetic). Hence they create a powerful influencing effect. (P)As you sit and (P)listen to me, you start to (P)wonder. (P)You think....

You (L)realize that what I say is very important and could be applied in real life. (P)And as you think about it some more, as (P)you lean forward and listen, (L)you realize that the knowledge of this lecture will definitely enrich your personal relationships and (L)make you a more competent person.

The Principle of Attribution (Giving Explanations to Invoke Sustained Behavior)

People frequently do something because they believe in a certain truth about themselves. An internal attribution about who they are causes certain types of behavior. If someone makes an internal attribution ("I will sign this petition because I am this kind of person") then he will most likely perform a future, related action because, "I am still that kind of person." A person who believes himself to be neat will pick up trash today, tomorrow and next month.

Additionally, he will do all kinds of orderly things. He does this to be consistent with the internal attribution he creates for himself. The Principle of Attribution allows us to modify people's behavior by

merely giving an attribution. If you want someone to do something, not just now, but always, proclaim to him a certain "perceived" attribution. He will come to see himself as that type of person and behave accordingly. To create an attribution, apply it in a situation where people are thinking about why things are happening. Second, give an explanation that is an internal attribution for the desired behavior. State that things are happening because "that person is like that." The Explanation you give is the attribution that will enforce the desired behavior from that moment on.

For instance, a teacher hopes to increase the grades of her students. After a successful quiz, she makes an attribution, saying, "My! These quizzes have been well answered! I wonder... I think you've all been

studying very hard and you've gotten brighter!" With this simple sentence, the teacher attributes the quiz scores to initiative and studying hard. The students realize this might be so, and regardless of whether they studied before or not, they do start studying to be consistent with the attribution. They think, "I got a good grade coz I study hard. Therefore, I must study hard for the next quiz."

A boss can also elicit greater productivity from his workers. He might say to an employee, "Mark, you've been at this desk for hours and I can see results. You must be a hardworking person with your sights on your goal! Keep up the good work." The boss attributes the good business results to hard work and prioritizing. Mark will subconsciously make the internal attribution that he is indeed hardworking and act consistently with this belief. A simple declaration yields a field of surprises.

The Charmer Method

This last technique, unlike the previous methods, does not rely on sleight of tongue or verbal acrobatics. It works because you openly offer concessions, manifest a willingness to listen, and validate your prospect's beliefs. Your prospect has a free choice to decide. You do not cloud his mind with verbal mists. Of all the techniques discussed, it is the most ethical. Additionally, it takes the longest to carry out, but it can produce lasting relationships. Like the previous systems, this method is also devastatingly effective. Mastery of this method can lead to satisfying friendships as well as giving you what you want.

The Charmer can be applied in four steps.

Step 1. Create the Initial Benefit Statement (The Initial Benefit Statement, or IBS consists of two parts).

First, you state an Opener which consists of a current need, problem or desire that your prospect would like to satisfy. Second, you close with a Benefit Statement that includes specific idea or solution (your request) that answers that need. Stating the IBS is done using the pace-lead rhythm previously discussed in order to maximize its effectiveness.

The IBS acts to whet the appetite of your prospect to listen and pay heed. When you formulate your IBS, you can use the following examples:

Openers:

"It is my understanding that you...."

"We've found that most people are looking for..."

"I hear you have a problem in the area of..."

"What most people want..."

"What if I could show you a way..."

"It's hard to be unproductive because...."

Benefit Statement:

"This is why many normally do this...."

"X works specially well in this scenario..."

"In such situations, x is the best possible solution..."

"In other words, what you're looking for is...."

When making the initial benefit statement, be certain to point out that your idea does solve his problem. If you can accomplish this, you have enticed your prospect. This would be a sample IBS using the Pace-Lead Rhythm.

"Mr. Richards, times have been bad and money doesn't flow so well anymore, specially for small firms such as yours. We know that your operations are no longer very efficient and it cuts back on your profits. We can provide you with the necessary computerized networking solution that can cut wastes 90% and boost profits 70%. How does that sound to you?

The IBS certainly grabbed his attention, didn't it? He saw that he had something to gain.

Step 2. Ask questions to elicit information on his needs which you seek to address.

No matter how well worded your IBS, your prospect holds many pressing needs begging to be filled. By careful questioning, you can get people to reveal their hidden needs and reconsider their position in light of what you have to offer. It is important that you choose your questions well. Raise questions that

will lead to revealing hidden needs which your idea, proposal or product can directly address. Raise questions that will direct you to proclaiming more of the benefits of your idea.

Step 3. Agree Agree Agree.

Whenever the other person responds in such a way that offers you an opening to reinforce your proposal's benefits, agree with his remarks, and develop his thought with the benefits that logically flows from his statement. Ensure that your benefits include feeling benefits, such as feelings of security, comfort, pride...etc. Benefits such as these persuade very strongly.

To illustrate Step 2 and Step 3, assume that you are selling brand new computers, so you ask a question that will lead to a specific benefit you offer.

You: "So Mr. Richards, I can see that you distrust computerization. Why is this the case?"

Richards: "I've tried it before and it was a nightmare. Something always broke down! Whenever we called technical support, they placed us on hold. We ended up with a white elephant."

You: "I agree with you. Computers do break down and most companies fail to respond to their customers. It's a big problem in the industry. We can guarantee you against this problem because we have over 350 technical staff on our roster working night and day. You'll never have a problem again.

The agreement with your prospect's statements clarify in his mind that you are considering his concerns very carefully. This heightens his receptivity to your proposals. Each time you agree with his concerns, and raise a benefit to absorb his anxiety, you edge a step closer to successful persuasion.

Step 4 Ask for what you want.

Finally, when you sense a good deal of rapport and agreement to your proposal, make the request. Close the deal. A positive mind set helps. Make the assumption that the deal has been accepted prior to asking. Behave in a confident manner.

First, summarize the benefits you offered.

Second, state the confident request using the following formula:

"Based on what you've told me... I'm going to suggest that the best course of action for us is...." Or

"I can see you've reached your decision... I guess what we should do now is....."

Take heed of the italicized words. Emphasize that the decision flows logically from his facts. Emphasize also the us/we involvement. The prospect will feel more at ease knowing that both you and he embark on that decision together.

From there, you can cap it all up with this standard close:

“We guarantee that you'll love the results. It's so easy. It's really works, its your best option not just now, but in the future.”