Managing the Family Finances (Should You Have Separate Bank Accounts, Or Will One Do?) By: Paul Barton & Barry Spilchuk

Is it better to have one main bank account for your family, or should each spouse operate from their own account?

In our travels, we have occasionally been asked such a question. Sometimes, this question seems to arise when a husband and wife disagree on whether or not one main bank account is better than each spouse having their own account. One spouse feels his theory of operating one main bank account for the family is the more effective system and looks for validation for his theory, hence the question!

First of all, in our opinion there is no right or wrong answer to the above question…either system can work effectively. The decision to maintain one account or two accounts for the family finances often derives from personal preference and comfort level on how the family finances should be managed.

Pete and Mary maintain one main bank account where they each have their pay deposited directly into this one account. The mortgage payment, the car loan payment, and preauthorized payments for insurance and retirement savings plans, all flow out of this account.

In Pete and Mary's situation, Mary looks after the family finances and takes care of paying the bills. Mary finds it much easier to reconcile one bank statement each month and likes the idea of seeing all of the family income and expenses flowing through one account. As well, a monthly “discretionary allowance” is deposited into their own separate saving account, which allows Pete and Mary to spend or save their own money as they wish. Pete calls this his “mad-money” account.

Before Pete was married, he never paid much attention to monitoring his personal finances. As long as he had money in the bank after he paid his bills; that was all that mattered. When he and Mary were married, Pete was more than happy to let Mary handle the family finances. For Pete and Mary, the one account system works fine!

Another couple, Rick and Judy, prefers instead to operate from their own account separately. At one point, Rick and Judy tried to operate one main bank account, however there were many situations when one of them took money from the account without telling the other, or without recording the withdrawal in the cheque register. In one instance, this lack of communication resulted in their bank account being short funds and a cheque Judy wrote to a friend was returned non-sufficient funds. Judy was embarrassed Living the single life for a few years prior to marriage, Rick and Judy had developed a comfort level and a routine in terms of managing their own finances. With Rick and Judy each having their own preferred way of handling the finances, having one main bank account just didn't work for them!

Rick and Judy now have their pay deposited directly into their respective accounts and have decided to divide the monthly expenses equitably. The mortgage payment and property taxes come out of Judy's account and all the other monthly utility and household expenses come out of Rick's account.

Rick and Judy each wanted to be in control of their own finances. Their first priority was to ensure the bills were paid, and any money left over from their own pay cheque was available for them to do as they each wished. Both Rick and Judy feel that operating their own account provides them with more control of their own finances.

Whether you operate one account or two, as long as the bills are being paid, and as long as money is being set aside for short term and long-term goals…then it becomes a matter of personal preference regarding how the family finances are best managed. Bank account fees would be something to consider in your decision.

Regardless of which type of bank account system you use in your family, here are three tips on how you might minimize bank account fees:

· Use your own bank's automated banking machine rather than another institution's machine. This could save up to $65, or more, per year, assuming one withdrawal per week.

· Investigate packaged services for bank account usage. Depending on your usage patterns, you could save money with properly suited packaged account services.

· When paying your bills, either through the bank machine or at the bank wicket, bundle all your bills together and withdraw only one amount for the total. This means you would only have one cheque or withdrawal coming out of your account.

“Even differences prove helpful; where there are tolerance, charity and truth.”- Gandhi

Understanding the Role of Money! (How Many Cows Are In Your Bank Account?) By: Paul Barton & Barry Spilchuk

Exactly what is money? What is wealth? Answers to these questions usually provide typical responses such as money means power, control, security, comfort, happiness, satisfaction, enrichment, etc. These responses simply represent feelings or experiences from exchanging something of perceived value for goods and services.

In reality, money itself is a means of exchange, and nothing more! Over time, wealth has been measured in many ways. In ancient times, wealth was measured by ownership of such diverse items as gold pieces, seashells, animal furs, crops, and, yes, even the number of cows an individual owned. Some of these measures of wealth still exist today in some parts of the world.

For people who use what we think of as primitive forms of monetary items, the same feelings of power, control, security, comfort, happiness, satisfaction, and enrichment are experienced when something of perceived value is exchanged for goods and services. In previous times, the wealthy farmer needed enough cows for barter in order to sustain life and provide a comfortable lifestyle for his family. Today, the paper and coins we call money does the same thing.

Have you ever wondered how the use of paper currency became accepted as a means of exchange? You may not realize that Canadians were the first in North America to use paper currency. In North America's early days, settlers here were often cut off from their previous homeland for months at a time. During such prolonged periods of isolation, coins became in short supply while waiting for the next supply ship from the “motherland” to cross the Atlantic.

By the late 1600's, silver coins were scarce to the point where the authorities of the day were unable to pay the soldiers wages. Enter Mr. De Meulles to devise a solution to divert an economic collapse, not to mention a mutiny from the military! Mr. De Meulles came up with the idea to write a monetary value on ordinary playing cards. He signed each card as evidence of their authenticity and the modified playing cards soon became widely circulated and accepted as legal tender.

The experiment in the use of paper money was deemed to be such a huge success, playing card money continued for many years, and eventually evolved through various forms of paper money to the point of currency we use today. In thinking of money and wealth, how much different is society today versus generations ago? Perhaps not as different as one might think! The main difference between life today and that of previous generations, as we see it, is in the way present society defines what living a comfortable lifestyle means.

We currently live in an era where technology and communication play a very big part of our everyday lives, much more so than experienced by previous generations. Most of us have televisions, radios, computers, household appliances, cars, and other modern conveniences we feel we need to have in order to live a comfortable lifestyle.

As a result, society has categorized us into the “haves” and “have not's.” It seems many people feel that if they cannot afford some of today's so-called luxury items, they are not wealthy, at least in terms of society's current definitions of wealth. One suggestion as to why people so readily use loans and credit cards today is to purchase goods and services, which in turn help individuals to feel wealthy, at least wealthy as seen from their point of view! This has caused some people to have difficulty in sorting out, in their own minds, the difference between “need to have” items and “nice to have” items.

Certainly, we need the paper and coins we call money to survive in today's world, just as people of earlier generations needed cows, gold, and furs to survive. An important issue to consider lies in how we are defining our perceived wealth. One dictionary defines the word “wealth” as:

“Riches, feeling of enrichment, being rich, rich people; abundance, having an abundance of money!”

From this definition, we can see that wealth does, indeed, make reference to money; however, it also makes reference to abundance and enrichment. Abundance could be money, but it also could be an abundance of love, or perhaps an abundance of family harmony. Enrichment is not just about money, either. Enrichment could also be simply how you feel about your life at the present time. Many people feel enriched because of their friends and family, or, perhaps, by their contribution to the community.

Money does not equal happiness! This is perhaps one of the most common money myths experienced by many people today. Happiness is the experience or moments you create for yourself, whether you actually use money or not. Happiness is not a destination; it is an ongoing journey, which sometimes, but not always, requires money!

“Happiness sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open!” - John Barrymore

What do you know about sugars?

Estimates indicate that Americans use, on the average, more than 130 pounds of sugars and sweeteners a year. This includes sugars and syrups in jams, jellies, candies, cookies, soft drinks, cakes, and pies, as well as sugars found in products such as breakfast cereals, catsup, flavored milks, and ice cream.

When sugary foods make up a large portion of your daily calorie intake, they may replace other foods which offer necessary nutrients. Therefore, consume sweetened foods in moderation after you are certain that you have included adequate servings from the Basic Food Groups and if you can afford extra calories.

The major health hazard from eating too much sugar is tooth decay. The risk of dental caries is not simply a matter of how much sugar you eat. The risk increases the more frequently you eat sugar and sweets and if you eat foods that stick to the teeth. Obviously there is more to healthy teeth than avoiding sugars. Careful dental hygiene and exposure to adequate amounts of fluoride in the water are especially important.

Too much sugar in your diet does not cause diabetes. There is also no convincing evidence that sugar causes heart attacks or blood vessel disease. However, if energy needs are less than energy consumed, excessive sugar consumption contributes to overweight or obesity. If you’re concerned about the amount of sugar in your family’s diet, or if you are looking for ways to cut back on calories, here are some suggestions.

1. Read food labels to learn which products contain sugars and other sweeteners.

Ingredients are listed in order by weight: the item in the greatest amount is listed first, the item in the least amount is listed last. Dietary sweeteners appear on food labels not only as table sugar (sucrose), but by a variety of other names: dextrose, corn syrup, honey, molasses, fructose, lactose, fucose, maltose, maple syrup, brown sugar, corn sweeteners, natural sweeteners, invert sugar.

2. Substitute non-sweetened fruit juices, low-fat milk or water for sugary soft drinks, punches, fruit drinks and ades.

3. Cut down on obvious forms of sugar such as candies, cakes, pastries and cookies. Set your own limits. Confine sweets to special occasions or a few times a week. (Three simple desserts a week.)

4. Make the desserts you do eat count nutritionally. For example, custard, bran muffins or a baked apple provide nutrients as well as fewer calories than a jelly-filled doughnut. Serve fruits for desserts or snacks.

5. Fruits packed in heavy syrup contain a great deal of added sugar. Drain well before serving for big calorie savings. Try to serve fresh fruit or those canned in fruit juices or light syrups.

6. Many cereals are presweetened. Check the label. Buy unsweetened cereals so you can control the amount of sugar added.

7. Use recipes that require small amounts of sugars or sweeteners or reduce the amount of sugar in your own recipes.

8. Cut back on sugar slowly with high rising cakes and yeast breads; they need sugar for texture and height.

9. To give your foods interest and enhance the impression of sweetness, use spices and flavorings such as: cinnamon, vanilla, cardamom, ginger, clove, allspice, pumpkin pie spice, almond or peppermint. Some of these spices and flavorings may contain small amounts of added sugar, but it won’t equal the amount of sugar they replace.

Master the Foundations For Persuasion

Assertiveness Aids Persuasion

We own ourselves - body and soul. This ownership grants us specific rights -- they endow us with dignity. Dignity demands an obligation to safeguard our rights. No one can impinge upon them. Others possess these very same rights. We cannot encroach upon these rights. While we expect others to respect our rights, we must also respect others. This principle enshrines the core of assertive behavior.

Assertive behavior sows confidence. Confidence prevents us from yielding weakly in the face of pressure and it puts our needs forward. Anytime, anywhere. We feel good about ourselves because we send a

clear message as to how people should treat us. Assertive behavior requires that we act politely, reasonable and objective. Assertive behaviour requires that we let others know exactly what we want and feel.

As a natural consequence, persuasion cannot occur in the absence of assertive behavior. To convince others, we must be naturally assertive. A weakling cannot sway the mind of an opponent. Victorious persuasion can be easy. First, know your rights. Be aware of where you stand. Then deploy the tools of scientific persuasion. Be forcefully assertive. The first shot fired in the war of wills comes only after invoking the proper mental disposition - through assertiveness. Assertiveness is the first golden key to successful persuasion.

How can you be assertive?

Being assertive is not being passive or being aggressive. It is the balance. It is honoring yourself enough to defend your rights. Timidity is a widespread malady; as a result, many to fail to speak-up when the situation calls for it. Thus, the more dominant individuals steam roller over those with mild-mannered personalities. Everyone has rights that must be held inviolable. As human beings we are all called upon to defend these civil liberties. What rights are these? Etch the following to memory and you will live a life in full command of yourselves.

The Bill of Inalienable Rights

I ALWAYS have the right to:

·         State what I want regardless of whether I can get it.

·         Express my opinion and feelings.

·         Make my own decisions and change it if I wish.

·         Decline from explaining my actions or refuse to give an excuse for it.

·         Turn down a request with out guilt. I can say NO.

·         Accede to a request but put boundaries upon compliance.

·         Not be discriminated against.

How does one act assertively? When defending your bill of rights remember to take four steps

1.       Be Direct. Don't beat around the bush. State your mind (thoughts, ideas, needs) without excuses.

2.       Take full responsibility. Specially when giving opinions, make it clear that it is not a universal truth but your opinion. This step allows people to be more receptive to you. It also enables them to see you as unwavering. Preface your statements with "My feeling is that", "I think...", "In my opinion..." "My understanding....".

3.       Be calm and in control. Let your words, tone, and body language show restraint. Do not let others influence your response,

4.       Be objective and polite. Make no personal or character attacks

Assertive Strategies to Deal with Problem Situations

Difficult people make it hard to assert our rights. The following techniques enable you to parry such people and deal with common tough situations.

Getting Compliance to a Justified Request (The Broken Record Technique)

Have you ever stated a request and were turned down? Did it frustrate you to receive a no to a perfectly legitimate petition? The Broken Record Technique allows you to gain compliance. Many of us have unknowingly employed it before.

Applying it is easy.

Here is the secret: simply decide on the desired outcome then unceasingly repeat the request or statement geared to spawn that desired outcome until you get it. While using this verbal tool, maintain firm determination and an unwavering tone tempered with politeness. Where possible, rephrase the

statement each time to avoid awkwardness. Through brute repetition, you wear down resistance to your request, statement or order.

Handling Criticism (The Clouding Technique)

We all hate criticism. It stings, it scathes. It hurts. It comes our way at least once a day. We can deal with it emotionally, escalate it and risk fraying a relationship. The alternative is to handle it assertively. The

Clouding Criticism Technique defangs fighting words. To "cloud" the criticism is to diffuse it's potential for all out verbal war. The criticism is taken, absorbed, and rendered impotent. Rolling with the punches in this manner yields more results than countering with outright denial.

To cloud the criticism takes six steps:

From the very beginning, focus on the content of the criticism , not the behavior of the critic. Listen emotionlessly. Yielding to emotion leaves you vulnerable to further criticism. Anger and fury attract further criticism as blood lures sharks.

·         Calmly let the opponent talk till satisfied. Allow him to vent his ire into the stream of criticism. Do not interrupt. Be stone-cold silent. This allows him to assuage his fury and gives you the time to assemble a well crafted rebuttal, if need be. Allowing the opponent to lash out unhindered drains him emotionally, leaving him open to a well planned counter-attack.

·         Eliminate all embers. To further decreases his emotional turmoil and kill the fire, ask if there is anything else they might want to add.

·         Acknowledge having heard it. State "I understand that you are concerned about..." This negates the danger of letting the criticism looming indefinitely in everyone's mind.

·         Cloud the Statements. Take the criticism and AGREE with it partially or in principle. This is a very effective method to derail any follow up attacks meant to reinforce angry words. By rolling with the punches instead of countering, you foster a friendlier environment.

Agree with some truth in the criticism. Here's the technique:

·         Clouding the Criticism by Agreeing Partially entails taking his criticism and agreeing with some parts of it. This is effective when being criticized with words that involve sweeping adjectives like "always, never, and forever. Through partial agreement, the attacker's fury diminishes and this leads to more open discussion.

For example:

Criticism: You're always out of town. You never see your friends anymore.

Reply: I agree. I have little time for my friends these days. (agreeing partially)

Clouding the Criticism by Agreeing in Principle, entails fully agreeing with the principle of the criticism but not with the accusation leveraged against you. You admit that the principle is valid, but you nimbly sidestep blame. Agreeing in Principle lessens conflict because the critic gets confused with the quick acceptance of his point. He is thrown off balance and is unsure how to continue. Before he can think of a reply, you can work to defuse further conflict.

Criticism: You're always out of town. You never see your friends anymore.

Reply: I agree. Distance takes away much time for friends. (you agree that out of town trips minimizes time with friends; however you don't accept fault.) Finally, after clouding the criticism, ask what would make things better. Tell him "What would make this situation better for both of us?" Listen to the reply and give your own input. The last step snuffs all residual negativity and focuses the situation of problem

solving. If outright lies pepper the criticism use a secret technique.

The technique of Presuming Innocence parries the criticism while allowing the critic to save face.

The Technique:

Rapport cannot be built by pointing out errors in the logic of the criticism leveraged against you.

Allow your prospects to save face by asking questions until you lose imagination or control.

Presuming Innocence calls for incessant interrogation of the opponent on the reason, motive, factual basis, etc. for his accusation. Say, for instance, "How does that relate to the . . ." (then state the apparently conflicting information). Sometimes, you might find you were wrong, and you "save face." Or, by continued non threatening questions, you can gently corner the other person into self-correcting.

Saying No and Setting Boundaries

Acceptance and Refusal

Saying "yes" when a "no" is meant erodes self-esteem. Remember always, that each one has the right to say no. When pressured for an unwanted "yes", practice the Broken Record technique when declining

with a no. Repeat your no's with as few excuses as possible. While doing so, keep in mind the cost (such as time, stress, resources) an unwanted "yes" might extract from you. Hang on to your no firmly. Ensure that the "no" is accompanied with a calm posture and even tone of voice. To build up your capacity to say no, practice stating no in easy situations to build confidence.

In cases where an outright yes or no is not required, such as when there is partial agreement, state a qualified yes. Simply put, agree to the request but set clear boundaries as to what is acceptable and not

acceptable to you. This is your right. For example, your boss requires that you stay overtime. You agree, but only until 9:00pm, so you state, "Yes, I can take some extra work tonight. I'll stay until 9:00pm tonight."

Situations which call for the expression of boundaries include instances when generosity is taken advantage of and welcome is overstayed.