Body Language vs. Verbal Language
Are you frustrated by lies - white or otherwise? Deliberately misrepresented information, concealed emotions, and hidden motives wreck havoc on daily conversations as well as on critical business negotiations. Most individuals cannot detect poisoned facts smothered with silken words and laced with an impressive vocal tone. Well-placed words hide duplicity so well that even average individuals get away with it.
Concealing fabrications with words is easy. No doubt, even a child can do it. For the layman, trying to detect lies by analyzing the words that carry them is futile. Judging the validity of a statement based on the sentence structure cannot yield much unless one wields background knowledge of the topic in question. But while verbal language can hide the truth, body language cannot.
Note how our speech is peppered with colorful speech like
· Recoil in anger
· Grit his teeth
· Freeze with terror
· Tremble with rage
· Shudder with fear.
The body conveys how a person feels. Someone doesn't say "I'm shaking in fear". His body does this automatically to convey that he is indeed afraid. The body reveals more than such obvious emotions, however. It does much more.
Body language. It is the final barometer of the truth. It bares and reveals innermost thoughts. Anyone can tell a tall tale in a flat tone and appear credible. The tongue is so glib it can make the most outrageous appear factual. The body is not as endowed in trickery, however. Your tongue may say one thing, and your body may say the exact opposite. It very rarely lies.
Studying the body can identify whether an individual believes in what he utters. It also reveals how he may feel at the moment. In fact, it lays before you an entire range of emotions unconveyed by his faculty of speech.
But understanding body language does more than help identify the current mental state of others. Expert knowledge of this nonverbal form of communication empowers you to project any image desired. This is where its study becomes so invaluable. Body language helps set the appropriate environment to persuasion.
A master uses body language to subliminally influence his prospects. He creates irresistible messages that subconsciously persuade and control. Through special gestures, he communicates in a very subtle, yet forceful way. By combining verbal persuasion with subtle non-verbal persuasion, compliance becomes all too easy to obtain.
Body language can identify you as calm, confident, and credible. Just as easily, it can reveal you to be shaky, unstable and questionable. The objective is to use body language that identifies you as cooperative, likeable, charming and authoritative.
Three Powerful Benefits You Gain From Body Language Mastery
You quickly identify the hidden emotions of others. Negotiations become easier when you instantaneously identify areas of discussion that causes discomfort. Normally, emotions are kept in check. Disagreement, for instance, can be manifested externally by continuous rejection of an idea. Body language pinpoints right away the topic provoking uneasiness and causing the rejection of valid
ideas. Once identified, the area of concern can be subjected to compromise.
You armor yourself with a perfectly tailored image. By knowing which body language adds or detracts from your desired image, you create the perfect "you" in the eyes of others.
· You can create an environment of instant rapport between yourself and your prospects by adopting bodily postures that subtly conveys openness, trustworthiness, confidence and credibility.
· Grasping the fundamentals and the benefits now empowers you to start using the potent force of body language.
How to “Listen” with the Eyes
The cardinal rule when reading the body is to look out for a coherent cluster of any of the following:
· Facial expressions
· Gestures, body movements
· Tone of voice/ pace of voice
Taken by themselves, individual expressions or gestures mean nothing. But a group of them, occurring simultaneously, can positively identify significant emotions. Take its analogy in verbal communications where a word conveys nothing; a sentence says something.
In non-verbal communications, a cluster of gestures and expressions which all betray a single disposition strongly indicate the current mood or mindset of your prospect. Before concluding that someone experiences a certain emotion, check the whole range of gestures, expressions and tones of voice. Ensure that the facial expressions, gesture and voice tone all reveal the same message and do not give conflicting signals. Once you discern your prospect’s disposition, you will know exactly how to modify your approach.
The following sections cover:
The specific body parts and its hidden language. The emotions conveyed by certain body language clusters.
Brief Body Language Alphabet
Body Language of the Head
Eyes
Direct eye contact occurring 60% of the time indicates that the prospect is very interested in what you have to say. Eye contact occurring 80% of the time tells that the prospect is interested in you sexually.
100% eye contact indicates aggression. Be forewarned of resistance. Frequent avoidance of eye contact reveals that a prospect may be hiding something. It may also reveal subordination and lack of confidence. Dilated pupils indicate great interest, either in what you said or in you.
Lock eye contact with a woman's gaze. If she drops it instantly and gazes downward to the left or to the right, it indicates that she is interested in you. If, on the other hand, she merely glances to the left or the right (without first dropping her eyes) in order to avoid your gaze, she simply finds you uninteresting.
Rapid blinking is a warning sign. If it forewarns that your prospect may provide resistance to what you have just said.
The Head
When your prospect's head is tilted towards you, it indicates his interest. When his head is tilted away at an angle, such that he glances from the corner of his eye, he sends signals of suspicion, mistrust and disbelief. Be forewarned; he doesn't find your idea appealing. The head, supported on the hand indicates boredom. Nodding indicates interest and agreement. It is a good sign. Someone who keeps looking around says "let me go."
Body Language of the Hands
The hand holds telling stories...
When a prospect's hands are open and palms up, he conveys truthfulness and openness. When a prospect speaks with his hands tucked in the pocket he betrays that something might be hidden. Hidden palms indicate something held back. Clenched hands indicate tension, discomfort or anger.
The hand, when placed to cover the mouth or the nose or to tug at the ear, reports that a lie may be concealed. A limp handshake palm up betrays submission. A firm handshake palm down conveys strength and confidence. A hand gripping the other hand, wrist or elbow attests a desire to quell rising anxiety. Change your tact or risk killing the conversation!
A hand behind the head betrays a need to fend anxiety, danger or discomfort. Steepled hands bear power and proclaims confidence and business. The hand stroking the chin indicates ongoing evaluation of something just said.
The hands flat on the table indicate readiness to agree. The hands clenched behind the back project a desire to show control and power. The foot, when tapping, says "Let me speak" or "I am bored."
Hands on the hips show a defiant, commanding demeanor.
Body Language of the Arms
The arms can communicate aggression. When crossed across the chest, it signifies resistance to the conversation or to the speaker.
Body Language of the Torso
When the prospect leans towards you he sends signals of interest. By leaning away, he announces disinterest or resistance. A prospect sucking in his belly betrays signals of sexual interest.
Body Language of the Legs
When a prospect 's feet points at you it indicates that he is interested in what you are saying. When the feet are pointed away, he may want to extricate your presence. A prospect's crossed legs, when standing, betray a feeling of isolation. While sitting, a prospect's crossed legs report that your idea may not be accepted easily.
A prospect signals that she may like you when she sits with her legs tucked under her haunches.
An insistent tapping foot says "Let me speak" or "I am bored", "What's next"
Tone of Voice and Voice Patterns
Sentences that are slowly paced, even, and terminated with downward inflected tones convey the image of control and power. Authoritative people audibly and punctuate sentences with a period. To convey even more power, they speak at a pace much slower than normal.
In contrast, a tone that increases in speed and rises in pitch indicates escalating nervousness and perhaps that something is hidden. Avoid this at all costs. It betrays a weak position and that someone is lying.
Emotions Conveyed by Body Language Clusters
To persuade someone, you must use body language that conveys not just openness, but authority as well. Great care must be taken to avoid body language that betrays anxiety, suspicion, resistance or untrustworthiness. By allowing your prospect to perceive you as likeable and competent, on a subtle level, you gain compliance with your persuasion.
Detecting Resistance to Your Idea
Resistance can be easily detected in your prospect. Check if your companion's body, leans away from you. Observe whether he faces you obliquely. His arms, legs or both are crossed. He may glance from the corner of the eye; furthermore, eye contact is minimal. He taps his finger or foot; his feet points away from you. He may refuse to unbutton his jacket. Generally, the posture is closed and leans away from you. When you persuade, avoid adopting this body language. When your prospect adopts this pose, modify your tact to bring ease. Whatever you are saying may be causing discomfort.
Body Language Depicting Openness to Your Idea
An accommodating prospect adopts an open posture to signify acceptance. He indulges in considerable eye contact. He frequently strokes his chin. His hands may be steepled. Notice that his feet point towards you. This body language cluster promotes an ambiance of openness between both parties.
This is an ideal posture to adopt for persuasion. It makes prospects more receptive. This is also the posture to elicit from your prospect. Once both of you adopt this posture, agreement is inevitable.
Body Language Depicting Depicting Readiness to Agree / Cooperation
Cooperation is signified by a prospect when eye contact occurs 70% of the time. Smiling is frequent. A cooperative prospect leans and tilts his head towards you. He faces you directly; he nods frequently. His
hands may be flat upon the table. His palms may be open and visible while his arms and legs are uncrossed. His feet face towards you. He may also sit at the edge of the chair. A cooperative prospect exhibits body posture that is generally open and he leans towards your direction. As with the "Evaluating Your Idea" pose, this body language cluster boosts your chances of successful persuasion. Apply it when listening and speaking.
Detecting Suspicion
Suspicion is conveyed by a closed posture. The prospect may keep his hands in his pockets and orient his body and feet oblique to yours. He may look at you from the corner of his eye and cross his arms.
Those who adopt this posture cease listening and tend to be disagreeable. It is hard to convince those who adopt this pose. When influencing, avoid taking this pose. Prospects will reject you if you do. It is hard to believe in someone who manifests suspicion.
Detecting Lying
Recognizing liars takes little effort. When someone lies, he minimizes eye contact. He is usually downcast. A lying person glances from the corner of the eye. You can also spot dubious statements by
watching hand movements. Notice when someone’s hand covers the mouth, rubs the nose or tugs the ear – it betrays something fishy. A liar experiences obvious discomfort; he may shift in his seat or shuffle
his feet. His feet may point towards a door signifying a desire to escape interrogation. Never take this posture when persuading. No one likes liars. No one follows the suggestions of liars.
Displaying Authority and Power
Leaders generally adopt a distinctive pose. Eye contact is steady and frequent; it never drops below the bridge of the nose. His shoulders are thrown back slightly, with the chin up. His posture is erect, yet comfortable. Movements are slow and deliberate. The tone of voice flows deep and resonant; speech does not exceed 100 words per minute. Each sentence ends with a downward inflection; pauses punctuate phrases and sentences. Every statement sounds like a statement and not a question (upward inflection). Even questions sound like statements. Normally, the leader takes the head of the table. When he sits, he may steeple When standing, his arms may be held behind his back. He may also rest them on his hips. Gestures are emphatic and carried out in sweeping or thrusting motions. His overall aura emanates sizzling power. This is the best pose to adopt for persuasion.
The Power of Body Language
Everyone communicates through body language. While we may be consciously unaware of the meaning of body language, we are subconsciously fully cognizant of its message. We react to how someone behaves before us on a subliminal level. For instance, we automatically feel uneasy if our companion crosses his arms and legs and narrows his eyes. Subconsciously we interpret the body signals as beacons of resistance, even though we may never have studied this arcane subject. The resistance of our partner tends to incubate resistance within ourselves as well; this causes us to cross our arms and legs in order to "protect ourselves." The cycle of resistance ensues. The subsequent failure of the conversation looms imminently.
Being knowledgeable of body language grants greater control to those wishing to influence any conversational ambiance. Through our actions we can set the tone - positive or negative - of any negotiation, meeting or one-on-one conversation. A master of this art will always adopt an open, non-hostile body posture to encourage cooperation. Also, he will scrutinize his partner's body posture for signs of discomfiture in order to reassess topics that cause unease. Knowledge of body language minimizes conflict and allows conversationalists to be sensitive to each other's needs.
There are twenty six letters in the alphabet, yielding over fifty billion letter, word and sentence combinations. Nevertheless, learning the alphabet was easy as ABC. Also, it was indispensable to communications. Body language, having lesser complex combinations, can be learned with fewer effort, provides tremendous benefits and is indispensable to human relations.
