How to Win When Your Mate Cheats

So the person you love cheated. You are raging (!), you feel humiliated and played, and you probably want to murder the lying traitor. (I know; I've been there!) But now, what are you REALLY gonna do? When a betrayal happens TO you, it really happens FOR you. Betrayal signals that your relationship has been on shaky ground. You can either avoid this truth, or you can finally do something about it. You can choose to: 1. Become a "poor me" VICTIM. Depressing! 2. Become a vengeful FIGHTER. Exhausting! 3. Become a take-charge WINNER. Triumphant!! Betrayal can move you toward a richer future, IF YOU USE IT AS A TOOL FOR HEALING. BETRAYAL AS A TOOL FOR HEALING involves 10 Must-Knows: 1. YOU MUST KNOW the definition of a cheataholic: cheataholic, n. 1. Sl. love junkie. 2. person addicted to hidden passions, secret flirtations, and illicit romances behind the back of an unsuspecting partner. 3. Biochem. person who repeatedly seeks the rush of exhilaration that accompanies falling in love. 2. YOU MUST KNOW that cheataholics are not motivated by sex alone. They are your average Jack or Jill who entered a committed union with the best of intentions. Acknowledging that the thrill is gone, they are now terrified that they no longer are appealing. They are so desperate to prove their (sexual) worth, they put their own needs above others and engage in unsavory and dangerous activities. 3. YOU MUST KNOW that the 7-year itch has gotten younger, and like your car, you must invest in attention and maintenance from the moment you begin to love. If you slack off, your mate may feel abandoned and act out, particularly if s/he is insecure. 4. YOU MUST KNOW that despite the screaming headlines of infidelity from Christie Brinkley's husband, Madonna, A-Rod, former Governor Eliot Spitzer, and more, there are still 2.5 million weddings each year in the U.S. The industry spends $40 - $70 BILLION annually, as people still opt for marriage and monogamy! 5. YOU MUST KNOW that the one you love is the one you'll leave. The qualities you found endearing at first can eventually wear on you: the careful money manager is now seen as a tightwad; the powerful mate is now seen as controlling. Recognize what originally turned you on, and continue to embrace it. 6. YOU MUST KNOW that the fear of lovelessness is real. The only way around that is to love yourself unconditionally so you can project to others how they can love you. 7. YOU MUST KNOW that you can unlearn the behaviors that haven't served you. After a betrayal, 65% of mates stay together, and with guidance, build a stronger union. Of the 35% who split, most question why they waited so long. 8. YOU MUST KNOW how to recognize relationship Red Flags when you see them-and leave skid marks beside the people who don't enhance YOU. 9. YOU MUST KNOW that there are 4 coping skills for dealing with a betrayer: avoidance, coercion, soothing, and confrontation-the last of which is the ONLY one that can really heal your woes. 10. YOU MUST KNOW that you have the power to mend or to end your suffering. The only question is whether you are ready and willing. ARE YOU?