For many of us, the world is filled with strangers. Romance is an elusive dream that flits away the harder we try. A loveless destiny. Condemned to such a fate, can one bear to live on?
Men are social beings. Food, water, and shelter are vital to survival. These alone cannot bring happiness, though -- not even owning a private yacht nor the entire Bank of England.
Men and women thrive on love. Each one has a deep psychological need to be cared for. Love is a potent force. Poets immortalized its power in ballade, song, parchment and story.
Love launched ships, caused the division of clans and brought ruin to nations. The power of love cannot be underestimated. Man breathes love as surely as he breathes oxygen. Love gives life.
To be loved is to be cared for in a special way that is uniquely different from the next person. Loving is caring and satisfying deep emotional needs. Show this care with special words and actions that fill these needs, and that special person you care for will start caring back. This is the principle of romance. Give and you receive.
Romance Theory holds three tenets, based soundly upon psychological principles.
Romance Theory -
· We like people who like us first. We tend to get attracted to someone who displays attraction to us. Also, we prefer that people like us first before we like them. The best way to get the ball rolling is to start manifesting attraction instead of hiding it.
· Romance begins with someone initiating contact; once someone has taken the initiative, there will exist a natural urge in the other person to respond positively. This principle declares that a relationship begins only with someone taking the first step. No--it doesn't have to be the man to do so. Women can initiate by engaging the man in lighthearted conversation.
· An upbeat personality allures. We love happy people. We bask in their presence. One can be more attractive by acting happy. The quickest way to add ten more points to your allure quotient is by smiling and radiating bliss. Negative opinions, and beak outlooks should be minimized at the start of a romantic escapade. Conversation should include positive and optimistic material. The first contact is not yet the time to discuss debts, a pending murder trial or a recent AIDS infection.
Winning the Love Game
The previous principles underlie the up-coming techniques that make falling in love and attracting others a painless and delightful game. It is a timeless game that reaps happiness for the victorious.
Flirting, attracting and mesmerizing -- this is the game of seduction. Those unskilled at this art behave boorishly, often repelling instead of attracting. Seduction, despite it's contaminated connotation, is pure. It is an innocent act whereby one identifies the secret needs of the other and satisfies these needs.
Flirtation is just the beginning phase of seduction. During this phase, the man or the woman makes obvious his or her attraction. Once successful, the true seduction occurs. Seduction occurs at an emotional, physical and spiritual level. That is why seduction ends with two people falling in love.
Romance theory must now give way to technique. Use these techniques and reap the bounty of romance.
The Techniques of Seduction.
Make the First Move. People can die waiting. It doesn't pay to hunker by the sidelines. Keep waiting, and not just life, but love will pass you by. Patience is a virtue, but it doesn't help to keep waiting till old age. The right man or woman may never approach you. They may also be waiting to be approached!
Remember that to get a reaction, you must act first. Seize the initiative and you will get a positive response. Romeo, Don Juan and James Bond never waited to be approached. They made the first move. Someone has to make the first move. It might as well be you.
Energize yourself with optimistic thoughts. Relax. Adrenalin tends to rush in these instances. Adrenalin is necessary to outrace rabid dogs, but it can mess up your chances of charming the object of your desire.
Notice how clammy your hands get, how your pulse quickens? Breathe deeply for 15 seconds as slowly as you can. This will lower your heart rate. Apply the 180 degree think method mentioned earlier in this book.When your systems normalize, make the approach.
Don't use any of the passé, corny pick-up lines. They are degrading. The best opening gambit would be:
"Hi! I can't help but notice you. My name is ___________. May I have the pleasure of your company?"
Believe it or not, this line works better than all the rest. Simple, and direct, it communicates sincerity. If you can, spice it with a dash of humor. To buttress your chances of getting even more noticed, following up with a compliment or a question can help. Observe her carefully and decide upon a not-so-obvious character trait or accessory that you can compliment on. Make your compliment sincere. False flattery alwaysfails.
Study the body language of your prospect. Should it be closed, mirror that closed posture, then slowly open up yours. Subconsciously, she will follow suit, and when she does, so will her frame of mind. It's a sly move used by specially trained individuals to promote receptivity.
The Happy Virus. Infect her with happiness. Make excitement and delight surge through you. Let your eyes sparkle. Smile. Grin broadly. Happiness is contagious. Be glad to be around that person. Let your intonation drip with mirth. Two happy people can discover miracles in each other. Happy people create relationships. When we choose a partner, we look for someone we foresee will make us happy. You have a greater chance wooing that girl with a grin, rather than a grimace.
Appear enthusiastic, as well as happy. Show that you have a passion for life. Manifest your zest. Discuss each thing as though it meant much to you. Make an effort to recognize that there are dark and bright sides to life, but you will be willing to dwell only about the lighter side of things. Be upbeat and win her heart!
Let her talk. You do the listening. Men talk too much. They brag about their achievements, their objectives, the many girls they slept with. Discussing these in detail, and at length will not only bore, it will repel even the most patient girl. Seduction is a form of yielding and giving. Give in to the other person. Satisfy her ego. Satisfy her needs to tell her own stories, to narrate her triumphs.
A great seduction technique is to encourage the object of your affection to keep talking. Formulate open-ended questions and listen in rapture to her responses. Lean forward as you listen. Gaze into her eyes with interest. Pretend that no one else is in the room -- not even if a dazzling blonde sits next to you. Never interrupt as you listen. Pause for two seconds at the end of her statements then gently prod with more open ended questions. Your respectful silence will let her feel more understood, more loved.
As you listen, overwhelm her with positive body language. Lean forward slightly, uncross your arms and legs. Nod frequently. Maintain non-aggressive eye contact. When she requests feedback, simply paraphrase her statements. Echo your understanding of what she said. Don't go off-topic. You will kill the developing rapport.
Be patient. Listen expectantly. Don't rush her. Accept what is being said without approval or criticism. The time for that will come later. At this early stage, you must show how well you listen! Listening works miracles because you satisfy deep psychological needs. Listening can be the most potent aphrodisiac.
Women (men, all the more) crave to share about themselves. Notice how we love to talk about our victories, our plans, about how great and marvelous we are. About sixty percent of conversational statements have the word "I" in it; this signifies just how important the ego is to each human being.
When women talk, they love to talk about themselves and seek validation and agreement from their listeners. By listening silently and attentively, you validate what is being said. Listen intently and you broadcast a hidden message: I love what I'm hearing; go on!!
Listen with all your heart. It is the highest praise. Without uttering a single word, the simple act of listening can win you intense admiration -- and her heart!
Emphasize similarity. Listening is important. When you listen with your entire being, you render the supreme worship. The act of listening demonstrates profound respect and sensitivity. Listening wins half the battle in the quest for romance.
However, listening alone is not enough. You must prove that both of you are alike. Remember one of the basic rules of psychology: we like those who are like ourselves. Assume that you've listened all night, paraphrased her statements and prodded with information seeking questions. Your date will marvel at how thoughtful you were. You've satisfied her ego and bolstered her self esteem. When she gets home, she'll bask in the afterglow of that wonderful conversation. She'll think that she's had a great time sharing about herself.
Then, she'll think about you. Try as she might, her recollection of you will be vague. Why? Because you haven't mentioned a word about yourself. She will just remember how well you've listened. Being a good listener won't encourage her to see you again. Once the memory of how well you've listened fades, she may move on, seeking men who possess wonderful qualities other than listening.
Listening is therefore just part of the formula to complete seduction. To attract her totally, you must convince her that you are worthy of her love. The best way to carry out this urgent mission is to show her that you are just like the person she loves most: herself! People love those who are like themselves. This wonderful principle of psychology can secure you romantic happiness. Convince her that you are just like her. An average Joe is Don Juan to his lady if she believes they share the same interests, outlooks, opinions and beliefs.
When your lady shares aspects of herself, listen! Then say, " Me too! I am just like that...." Find common experiences. Wherever you can, interject emphasize similarities in taste. Seek out obscure facts that identify you to her, then mention it. Paying attention to details that she reveal becomes critical at this point. Mentally tag down her hot buttons -- subjects she loves discussing and express your enthusiasm for them. Emphasizing similarities guarantee that the relationship will continue beyond this first encounter. This act cements friendship not only between members of the opposite sex, but between same sex acquaintances as well.
Stand your ground. Claim your independence. Make it clear that you have goals. You will strive for your aspiration, despite the outcome of your relationship. Independent men and women are very attractive.
Exhibit decisiveness. Move with purpose and vigor. Allow a little flexibility, but show that you will not compromise your inner principles. Principled men and women are sexy.
Exhibit that you are opinionated. Make it clear that you sit no fences. Should you disagree on a topic hang on to your point while making it clear that her views are as valid as yours.Disagree agreeably. Accept that many sides surround an argument. Listen to her points then thank her for presenting a side that enlightened and complimented your understanding!
Praise. Don't flatter. Do praise. Seek obscure aspects about your date that you may praise. It may be her manner of walking, her bag or that little tattoo on the shoulder. Praise should be moderated. Too much and you risk dampening its effects. Too little, and you might be perceived. as hard to please. Whet her appetite with just enough praise. Sprinkle it when she least expects it. Throw her off balance. Don't lavish her with praises for five minutes then be silent the remaining hour.
Praise must be sincere. Don't compliment a girl's long locks when she's obviously balding. Here's where honesty is the best policy. Don't criticize. This is the time to remain either positive or neutral. If she serves a terrible beef casserole and asks for your opinion, state something neutral or vague. A response might be, "It could almost be Carribean, had you added white sauce. But in its present condition, I'd say
it's Intercontinental Style." Let her interpret it as praise or criticism! Of course you could always be safe and say, "No Comment!"
In summary:
Life and love bring so much anxiety! To succeed in a job, at academics, in love or at whatever endeavor requires initiative. You can't harvest the farm till after you've sowed, watered and fertilized. In the garden of love, you take the first steps. You initiate contact. Rejection is still a possibility. That's the catch. But nothing in life is without risk. Taking the first step gives you 99% chance of success. Sitting and
waiting gives you a .05% probability of getting a lifetime partner. Work for your dreams and your fancies can bloom into reality.
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